Let's talk Depression.

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Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

This is something that has kind of been big on my mind A LOT lately. (And actually something that could be at the heart of all debates on the gun related shootings lately it seems.)

When I was in middle school, I was 'seen'. But not diagnosed. I was told I was "Just going through a tough adjustment from elementary to middle school". I was re-seen in high school after severe suicidal thoughts (luckily never acting out on them, having the proper venues [ie. people] to talk to them about the thoughts, instead of putting them into action), and I was diagnosed with severe depression, bi-polar, and occasional insomnia (caused primarily by the bipolar).

I just bring this topic up, because 'this time of year' depression is a lot worse (and especially also at the holidays). Not looking to play therapist, or psychologist, or doctor and diagnose anyone. But I like to think we're all same-minded people here, and I'm curious how many others battle?

What are some other people's battles, thoughts, stories?

Hope to hear from some around who have had similar fights and are staying strong.



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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by WiseMarsellus »

first, thank you for posting this. i've posted about this topic before in relation to my own issues and i found the community to be quite helpful and supportive, i hope and expect they (we) can be the same for you.

anyway, my story. depression for me has been by far the most significant challenge in my life. i kind of had the opposite experience from you growing up where people would tell me i had depression and i resisted that classification, associating it more with sadness and suicidal ideations, neither of which have ever been relevant to me. my depression manifests in periods of extreme lack of motivation. and often it's difficult to talk about because people everyone can relate to a lack of motivation and will compare it to their own episodes of laziness. i feel like i have to prove my credentials, that it really is not on that same level. at my darkest depths i didn't shower or attend classes for months. i counted days where i summoned the motivation to eat as a huge success because most of the time i would wake up literally starving and never get around to going out for food.

i wish i had more of a success story to tell. i don't really know how i eventually beat my depression, to the extent that i did. it's flared up three times now in my life and i never know why it comes or why it goes away. this last episode was by far the harshest, and i know it hasn't entirely gone away. i'm not 100% right now, but i'm much closer to my optimized self than i am to the depressed version. but my biggest fear, and i'm legitimately terrified, is that my depression will return in force some day because i don't have a * clue what to do about it.

anyway, i hope maybe that is at least a little helpful. please, anything you want to say (if you want to say anything) i will listen
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Shadow 13 »

i also have battled depression at various times. i take medication for it and have for years, because previously i was contemplating/planning self-harm including possibly suicide. but i can feel it creeping up sometimes and controlling my life sometimes. luckily it has never been as bad as it was in my early 20s. i used to go on long walks at night just using my internal monologue to yell at myself about everything that was wrong with me, about how everyone else must thing i'm ...i don't even know, stupid? ugly? dorky? when i first got help, one of the first things my doctor said to me that really resonated was "don't give other people the power to control how you feel about yourself. keep that power for yourself."

our town Port Angeles is having a huge debate about suicide-prevention fences on two bridges where 3 people have jumped to their deaths in the last 6 months. these bridges were constructed about 8 years ago, and in that time an average of 1 person per year has committed suicide using them--the very first person was my best friend's younger brother. the city council just tonight passed a motion to begin the process. there are times i have had to consciously decide it wasn't good for me to walk across those bridges. now i want to join the vigils people are holding on them nightly so i can tell other people that it can get better.

anyway, one thing that helped motivate me recently was this blog post which i feel perfectly describes part of my own internal struggle: Why Procrastinators Procrastinate. it is a really good read, especially if you have trouble motivating yourself. strongly urge everyone to check it out.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Xanth »

<3
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by fungineer »

I've had a lot of struggles with this, especially lately. Only recently have I been diagnosed as having depression, although I've been in and out of therapy a few times. However, being that my mother was diagnosed bipolar/manic-depressive I always feared I would fall within the statistical 25% chance I would have similar issues as I was told from doctors over the years. Likewise, my mother was first diagnosed around my same age currently. In fact, there were periods where I even "wished" that was the case, just so I could point at that and say..that's why I struggle. However, I've always been stated as not being in that position.

For me I just would feel nothing I would do was good enough. For myself, for others, etc. More importantly, when I failed (or feared failing) I would nearly shutdown. Much of my issue is being perfectionistic (which is funny considering how poorly I spell and play SWCCG ;) ) and when I fall short of that I feel like I'm a failure. However, it grew so much more than failing, or fear of failing but that I just simply wasn't good enough. No matter how hard I tired I just fall short of certain things.

I've always been a very emotional person, directly and indirectly related to the issue related above. However, most of the time I did (and still do) feel that that alone isn't a negative thing. However, appropriate response is an issue. If I find that I'm breaking into tears in the middle of the workday as I feel I can't get the pieces to fall into place that's an issue.

For me there's really been 3 things I can turn to for depression issues.
A) Faith
B) Family
C) Therapy

Above all, my faith in Christ is the only reason I'm alive today. Despite over the years having numerous fears I've felt and thoughts of suicide that have crossed my mind, I know in my heart I would never act on any of them, despite how much I've been tempted to. Being able to try to let go of my own issues, to hand them over to Someone bigger than myself is very, very important to me. As much as at times I can feel selfish (and thus worse) about my own depression I still am able to come to God and cast my burdens at his feet. No, I'm not good at letting it go and moving on, but it keeps me alive and gives me something to live for.

My mother being in-and-out of the psychiatric ward as a child was hard. At the same time, she has been the best person for me to talk to about issues as not only is she understanding, she has experience to back it up. More importantly, she's made it very clear to me that it is the time periods where she doesn't want to (or doesn't believe) she has an issue that her mental health is in the worst state. Likewise, only finding friends that share your feelings / health issues can be both beneficial and harmful as it could give sympathy or too much understanding and even confirmation that your feelings and thoughts are good for you and can be explored. Being able to instead have people who can truly love you, and want the best for you, is wonderful. However, even with such support groups or persons, it's still very very easy to feel alone. My wife is another such person who loves me so much. However, with her I can see how hard a person's depression or other issues can weight on a person. As much as I can open up and talk to her, when I would bring the same issues home with me day after day it sometimes would take her day from good to bad, even though I knew she still loved me and wanted to be there for me. There again, that type of feeling can send a person down an even longer spiral, and worse yet can hurt the other person too, which is why it's really important to try to address the root of your problem (and NEVER a permanent solution to a temporary problem). (See NEVER page 1-14 of AR)

Being able (and willing) to talk to someone, particularly someone who's specifically trained to do so is extremely important. Medicine has its place, and is often appropriate, but there are also many times where issues can be buried either deep or right below the surface that are just waiting to come out, should the right person come along to listen to them. Not everyone listens well, nor does everyone give good advice. The better people will be able to have you bring forth the issues without being direct about it, which (in my experience) produces better results (even if it produces more return visits...). At the same time, things you aren't willing to share about are harder to explore.


Although I struggled in college, my last 4 years have been some of the roughest for me for this stuff. Most of the last 4 years I've been afraid I was inadequate for my job, despite not having reviews and feedback reflecting that. I was finally able to start getting some help and a few weeks later did actually get let go of that job, only weeks into finally thinking perhaps my performance was better than I thought. To be honest I didn't know (and still don't) fully what to do with that. As hard as it is to admit though, and as much as being between jobs sucks, my health and sanity were a complete mess is my last position. The only thing I can say it that in the last 2 weeks, although I've still broke down a few times, I no longer bring home the dread, pain, frustration, and sadness that plagued me for the last few years.

I don't know if it was just me, just that job, or what, but ultimately I'll remove this after a very short period of time as something like this posted is career suicide. However, I feel it's important to share stuff like this, at least when it's being asked.
Shadow 13 wrote: suicide-prevention fences on two bridges
I feel like this would only make it harder to complete, but wouldn't really change if a person is going to do it. Seems like better things to spend the city's money on (unless people are ACCIDENTALLY falling off the bridge).

EDIT: The rest of the month got much worse, as my father passed away at the age of 69. However, two weeks later I have a pending job offer. So, that's something positive
for sure.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Shadow 13 »

fungineer wrote:
Shadow 13 wrote: suicide-prevention fences on two bridges
I feel like this would only make it harder to complete, but wouldn't really change if a person is going to do it. Seems like better things to spend the city's money on (unless people are ACCIDENTALLY falling off the bridge).
there's actually a lot of good research that shows that barriers stop attempts.

http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/190/3/266.short
http://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/abs/10. ... 0.28.S1.58
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10. ... 7010060501

the key is understanding that suicide is not a goal - finding relief is the goal. if you make the "easy" answer more difficult (and hopefully our community will continue making the hard answers of therapy and medication easier) then that drive gets redirected.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Dr. Hayus »

Hey all, I've never struggled with depression, but have had other issues that needed a lot of solving. In any case, depression is no joke. I've got family that have/had/continue to struggle with depression, and it's no small feat.

In Canada we had/have a pretty good champion for depression in Michael Landsberg (he was a sports personality in Canada, until he retired). His interview with Chael Sonnen was fantastic and helped change the view on depression. He said, "Sick not weak", and I think it stuck.

Anyhow, respect to those struggling. I've found that self-talk stuff is incredibly powerful.

But like I said, respect and take care.

- Hayus.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

All of this. Still.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by maxbeedo »

For anyone needing help, The National Alliance on Mental Illness:
https://www.nami.org/#
Phone #: 1-800-950-6264

I feel like I'm both very qualified and terribly unqualified to talk about depression because I am on the Autism spectrum, which also means I have essentially permanent depression/anxiety that can't be treated with medicine (other than just plain knocking me out). It's a neurological condition for me, instead of a psychological one for most people, so I couldn't really tell anyone "how to get out of depression". All I can tell you is that having a reason to get up each day is really really important, things to look forward to. I'm not married (probably never will be with my condition) nor have kids or pets, but I have a lot of hobbies, have a group of friends for those hobbies, and try to always have something fun planned sometime in the future. Plan a group outing, plan a game night, plan a trip somewhere, give yourself something positive in the future to focus on. Things might suck now, but they may not in the future, and you still have the power to change that (which can be a scary thing too). Granted, this is coming from someone who has always been essentially in "crisis mode", so sometimes I have an unhealthy fixation on short-term happiness just to get by, but for most people I would think a few good things can give you just enough focus to think critically about whatever situations you are depressed about and find some solutions instead of feeling stuck.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Xanth »

This is cliche, but the one thing that has meant the most to me when going through the lowest lows in my life is people reaching out to me and showing me they genuinely care about me. Especially those voices who have sent me more that just a “hey I hope you’re doing ok.” If you’re ever worried about how it might come across if you were to send someone a huge essay about positive or motivational or just whatever stuff you think about them or want to say to them, and you consider instead to play it safe and just say something small and nice, know that at least I would prefer to hear the “TL:DR” version. That warmth and love is healing.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

So just checking in with people, how's everyone doing?

I feel like I keep getting hit by a mack truck that decides to put it in reverse to have a second go at me everytime I start to get my feet under me.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by AdmiralMotti89 »

Spoiler Man wrote:So just checking in with people, how's everyone doing?

I feel like I keep getting hit by a mack truck that decides to put it in reverse to have a second go at me everytime I start to get my feet under me.
I don't know much about depression; it seems like when I am having a rough go of things, I can usually identify the cause. But there's two things I've heard lately that have helped me keep some positive momentum even when some things are going the opposite direction at the moment.

"Move your feet."
and
"What is one bit of chaos in your life that you can identify today that you can put in order tomorrow?" Whether it's paperwork, doing the dishes, clearing the air with a coworker, taking your car in to get that weird sound checked out, or whatever. If I can get one thing going in a positive direction, it's easier to get other things going that way too.

Like I said I don't know much about this, but that has been something that has helped me.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

AdmiralMotti89 wrote:
Spoiler Man wrote:So just checking in with people, how's everyone doing?

I feel like I keep getting hit by a mack truck that decides to put it in reverse to have a second go at me everytime I start to get my feet under me.
I don't know much about depression; it seems like when I am having a rough go of things, I can usually identify the cause. But there's two things I've heard lately that have helped me keep some positive momentum even when some things are going the opposite direction at the moment.

"Move your feet."
and
"What is one bit of chaos in your life that you can identify today that you can put in order tomorrow?" Whether it's paperwork, doing the dishes, clearing the air with a coworker, taking your car in to get that weird sound checked out, or whatever. If I can get one thing going in a positive direction, it's easier to get other things going that way too.

Like I said I don't know much about this, but that has been something that has helped me.
No offense, but those are 'slogans', or 'mottos'. Its like the ape saying to BoJack: "It gets easier. But you got to keep doing it. Its hard doing it every day, but doing it every day it gets a little bit easier."

Its a slogan, motto. Something you can hang on a poster or a burn onto a piece of wood and sit on a desk. But when you have depression, there doesn't always seem to be a root cause. "the car making a weird sound" wouldn't be a root cause of depression, and even if it were, what if you don't have the money to get it fixed? Then you worry about that, and feel depressed about that, and then you spiral deeper and further down the depression rabbit hole.

Thats.... thats how depression works.

The "Piece of s*t" episode of BoJack might be the truest depiction of depression ever. Its one of those things that spirals. You call yourself a POS, and then because you do that, you feel like a POS, and you feel like a POS for calling yourself a POS and think only depressed loser idiots call themselves POS's and then you think I am a depressed loser POS and it just keeps snowballing.

The "move your feet" motto/slogan is like the "just make yourself happy" BS. Its akin to telling a person with a broken leg "oh get over and walk it off".... ....thats now how it works... ...at all...

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by AdmiralMotti89 »

When I said that I didn't know much about depression, me tending to see the root cause for my low points is a reason why I don't understand it. I wasn't saying that if you're depressed, you should just figure out "what's wrong" and fix that. I only meant to say that when I feel like things are going backwards, finding something to do in a positive direction, even tiny, even unrelated to any cause there may or may not be, helps me. If something like that doesn't do anything for others, then I just hope something else changes and things start getting better. It just seemed like your post had gone a long time without anyone acknowledging it. Sorry if mine had the opposite effect of what I intended.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by fungineer »

I had just found out on on my friends and former co-workers took her own life yesterday. She was one of those people who went out of their way to make sure those around her weren't sad, or could smile, or laugh, and yet appearantly burried here own struggles from the world.

I'm left here wondering what I could have done differently, signs I should have seen, etc. The human mind seeks justification or blame or reason when in reality depression is often just an irrational spiral. But things are always temporary, no matter how often they occur or build upon another, as cliche as that may be. Sometimes it feels theres no one to listen, but there will be, even if not at first but seeking others isn't easy, and knowing they might not have the answers is even harder. But it's good to try not to dwell on those thoughts alone, even if that is tbe nature of the beast.

Waiting for others to come to you however, as wonderful as that is, often leads to the biggest heartache.


None of this is really directed at anyone here, as I'm like just trying myself to rationalise a terrible tragedy.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

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A year ago a friend of mine took his life. Nobody called it that. Nobody said the words "took his life" or said "suicide". Nobody said about how his brother found him and cleaned him up and the apartment. Nobody said about how his ex-gf was ruining his life. Nobody said any of this.

We went to his funeral. We said all the things you say when a young (33) friend dies. We all hugged, shook hands. The women/girls cried. The men fought back the tears.

...and then that was it.


And then we all went home. Sat in the dark, and asked ourselves why.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by JediJer »

Depression is something that has been on my mind a lot lately as well. Going back several years, I can see that something always felt "off". Being a part of this community was something that I felt helped keep me afloat, but even that started to not be enough. I got to the point where I didn't want to do anything and the things that I used to find enjoyable (most notably swccg) held little to no interest for me. There were probably several factors that played into that, and there were other things I was doing that I knew should have gotten me excited, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn't convince myself that I could be excited about anything.

Then two things really changed and started to turn things around for me. The first thing is that I saw my doctor and got on an anti-depressant.
The second thing is that I started reading books and listening to talks about positive thinking, personal development and leadership. Feeding your brain positive messages on a consistent basis can be helpful, as it helps reduce the amount of POS negative talk we tend to feed ourselves.
These two things have made a drastic improvement in my life. I now have hope for the future, a dream and a goal that I am working towards, which helps keep my thinking positive. I also think that playing swccg is fun again.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by darkjediknight11 »

glad to hear it, jer :<3:

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by mrfahrenheit7 »

Looking forward to seeing you at worlds jedijer!

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by arebelspy »

So awesome to hear Jeremy!

For anyone having kids: watch out for postpartum depression. Rarely talked about for dads, but not uncommon at all. But you aren't alone.

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