Let's talk Depression.

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dorshe1
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by dorshe1 »

arebelspy wrote:So awesome to hear Jeremy!

For anyone having kids: watch out for postpartum depression. Rarely talked about for dads, but not uncommon at all. But you aren't alone.
Word. I was very concerned about my wife after our first. I forced her to see a dr. after a week. Look for the signs and help.

For our second she did sessions before the birth and it went a lot smoother.

Keep sluggin away JJ.

Thanks!


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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by arebelspy »

Males experience it at a might higher rate than reported, and feel stigmatized and alone if they feel it, was my point.

Focusing on it as a female only problem (I initially put problem in quotes, but thought dorshe might object as if I was quoting him--it is, of course, not a problem, but a fact of life to deal with) or talking about how you "forced" your wife to deal with it doesn't help a ton, IMO, but maybe I'm misreading you. It is the internet.

My post was targeted at dads or potential ones. If you are letdown after birth and don't feel a huge thing, don't think something is wrong with you.

Yes, be aware of your partner, as well. But also yourself. You are not alone in feeling it.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

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arebelspy wrote:For anyone having kids: watch out for postpartum depression. Rarely talked about for dads, but not uncommon at all. But you aren't alone.
Very true. A friend of mine experienced it really bad. I would say my depression is not specifically postpartum but certainly dealing with the added stress and workload that goes along with a newborn didn't help anything.

I've written out a post about what I'm going through a few times and opted not to post it each time. I dunno, maybe opening up would help, suffice to say, * is just rough when you're working poor in a very rich neighborhood. Our only supports (my family, also poor af) are here, and my older kid has so many roots here, so it just doesn't feel right to throw in the towel and leave when we've been so close to stabilizing for so long (only to have that stability ruined by something or another each time).

And now my wife has a foot problem that keeps her from being able to do as much around the home, so I am pulling double duty, and it is grating.

Seeing my increased skill in this game (and Dark Souls) have been a source of happiness for me though, as well as my kid's smiling faces and generally happy attitudes. So, not doing too bad, but I definitely have bad days.

I'm just gonna go ahead and hit post quickly before I delete this again lol.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by arebelspy »

Your family might understand you all heading elsewhere for awhile. Bring up the possibility for discussion, perhaps.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

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arebelspy wrote:Your family might understand you all heading elsewhere for awhile. Bring up the possibility for discussion, perhaps.
Yeah, it comes up probably once or twice a month. We've just sacrificed and fought so much to stay here already, that it would seem foolish to give up now when there is hope in the horizon. But then the horizon keeps getting further way. Plus I want to get at least one more year under my belt in the "program manager" position I'm in so I could feasibly go work directly for the Developmental Disability Administration in Olympia if we do end up moving (because we love Oly).
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Advocate »

Life is precious. Always talk to someone and know help is there for you.

Days like today are not fair. But know when you are at your lowest points, there is always help.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

Does anyone else get that winter disorder affect? Or whatever the term is for it? I believe there is an actual legit term for it, Winter Affect or something to that degree with depression.

In the past 2-3 years it has really been bad for me. It just hits me hard. Like this week or past two weeks now, I have been in a complete fog, completely down, completely out of it, completely miserable, completely lonely despite people around, feelings of worthlessness, like I'm a failure, like I get nothing done, etc.

And I think a lot of it is that with my job, its dark by the time I get done, so I can't do anything really outside afterwards, and before hand, I only have about 1-2 hours of light, but much of that time is waking up, doing wake up routine, getting kids to school, etc, so its nothing "productive" in terms of anything.




Am I the only one, or is there anybody else?

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by quickdraw3457 »

SAD (seasonal affective disorder). My wife has it too. She's a college teacher so she's off for 3 weeks now, and staying active really helps her (working in the garden, doing random crafts and hobbies inside etc). Not everyone is lucky enough to have time off now though. Just try to stay as mentally active as you can in your spare time I would say, but easier said than done.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

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Being outside a lot helps me, taking the dog for a walk, etc, really helps. Unfortunately this time of the year its not always the easiest (when its 17 degrees and such like last week). Luckily today was gorgeous, so I got a bit of yard work done, which helped, but then as soon as it started pouring and I came inside, it was like a switch, and went back to the mood.

Usually I work over Christmas every year, which also doesn't help. But this year I'm using my first extended break in 7 years at the company and taking the week off (just getting 0 pay for the week though). So its both a win/loss though. Like I'll feel happy I'm not working and having 5 extra days off.... ....but I'll also feel guilty (to my coworkers for not working, especially on a holiday where most of the others will be, as well as to my family due to the very hindered paycheck that will result from this) and that leads to a regret/guilt feeling that I know I'll have. Just like anytime I spend $ on myself, I have instant pangs of guilt/regret for spending the money on myself. Regardless of what its for. And is one of the main reasons why I won't even spend the 2-3$ a day at work on lunch. I'll eat a breakfast at home (sometimes, usually not), and then a dinner at home, *IF* the wife makes something (or has any left over after the kids ate), if she didn't/if there's none left over, I'll MAYBE make myself something to eat around 10-12 at night before going to sleep.

With my days off being Thurs/Fri, this is typically my Sunday, and I always feel like crap usually 6PM on on Friday nights unless I'm doing something OUT and ABOUT, trying to be an extravert when I'm a massive introvert. And that helps, but also then sometimes gives me the guilt/regret feeling for spending $. And I think that's also a bit of it now, the guilt/regret of knowing I'm going to be calling off for this 5-day stretch that will cost us $$$. And hinder my coworkers.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Hayes »

Spoiler Man wrote:Am I the only one, or is there anybody else?
I have SAD or something related. When I turned 12, I basically stopped going to school each year from about mid November though February. I battled substantial depression and slept anywhere from 12-16 hours a day. We experimented with light boxes and drugs and therapy and you name it. I had lots of doctors notes, but we estimate I missed about 600 days of school (total) from 7th grade until graduation. (I still graduated on time, and I could always muster the energy to go to a Star Wars tournament on the weekend- part of the reason my parents were supportive of my card playing was because it was the only thing that provided social interaction and got me out of the house in those winter months.)

My family deliberately took vacations to sunnier / warmer climates and we found my symptoms would be somewhat diminished. So, to escape the North East, I went to college in Tucson, AZ. Life was totally different for me there. I still "felt it" in the winter, but I could at least reasonably function. Even now, living in Nashville, I am not immune. I am very fortunate that my job allows me to work on my own schedule; most days lately I've been rolling in around 11am or noon and I work until 7 or 8 at night. If I have early meeting I can force myself up to do it from home in my PJs. In about 2 months I'll be back to my normal schedule.

I definitely have a cognitive decline in addition to my dip in mood this time of year. I take longer to complete tasks and I am more prone to careless errors. I am very happy the MPC is pushed back this year ^.^ I think about quitting my job and how long I could coast without working (even though I recognize that's completely stupid). Everything seems like a chore and my house is a mess because cleaning is absolutely not a priority. I obsess over games to escape it all (which leads to some guilt, which leads me to go deeper into the game). But I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that in mere weeks I will feel like a real live human being again with what seems like (in comparison) boundless energy. Instead of "struggling" to complete a crossword puzzle I know I'll be able to ace it. Soon.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

I've been reading up on HFD (High Functioning/Functional Depression) a lot the past few months, and discussed it with doctors/family, etc, and all claim it pretty much sums me up. I function, at a high rate, because of how much I suppress the depression, and try and keep it under lock and key. But, ultimately, its not really an answer, and its almost like bottling things up.

And I totally feel you on the SAD thing Hayes. I unfortunately am kind of the opposite, no sleep. With my insomnia, I stay up til 3-4AM and wake up at 5-6AM mainly due to the kids, mainly due to not sleeping a normal rythm/cycle. And I just go from there, grinning it and bearing it. I think the HFD is the only thing that keeps me moving through the actual depression. If I didn't mentally suppress everything, I don't think I'd be able to work, parent, husband, etc.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Hayes »

My advice: don't start drinking. I often stay up till 2 or 3 or 5am even now, but I used to be way worse. I started drinking in excess, in part, to help turn off my brain just so I could pass out at a decent hour (and, in retrospect, a way of tuning out real life). Its kind of a "no *, sherlock" scenario, but only bad things resulted from this behavior.

(Note: I was completely sober for about 3 years, but now feel comfortable drinking in moderation for special occasions like maybe 2-3 times a year.)

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

That is something I fight to keep from doing too much of, as a coping mechanism.


Also, another thing, downtime/not getting a lot done. Is this a problem for anyone? I feel like a day is wasted if I haven't done A, B, C, 1, 2, 3, X, Z in a day, regardless if I have work or not. And on my weekends/days off, I feel like I have to do x2 my list. Book read, TV show watched, game beat, etc, etc, etc.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

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I definitely feel like I don't get enough done. I typically end up listening to the same music, watching the same videos, playing the same games, over and over to elevate myself to a functional level of energy/attitude, so I end up not really doing anything. When someone asks me "what have you been up to?", it honestly feels like a kick in the gut, because I don't want to have to explain my coping mechanisms or that I have to live up to some ideal version of a "productive human". It's led to a bit of an addictive personality, though I don't drink or take any drugs or medication of any kind (for good reason). I don't have much problem getting essential stuff done because there are obvious reasons to do so, but stuff that just requires self-motivation to better oneself (like learning a new skill/language/instrument/etc.) I can't find the "reason" to even start, and this is the kind of stuff that people want to hear when they ask how you're doing. "What have you been up to?" = "Justify your existence to me.", or at least it sounds that way to me sometimes.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by JediJer »

I don't know how accurate this is, but one part of SAD could be caused by a lack of natural vitamin d from the sun. With winter being overcast most of the time in a lot of places, combined with the angle of the sun and the amount of daylight, most people don't get enough vitamin d in the winter months. That's just something I've heard though. Don't know if there's been a lot of scientific studies on it, and I'm not in the mood to go looking right now.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by TB »

arebelspy wrote:

My post was targeted at dads or potential ones. If you are letdown after birth and don't feel a huge thing, don't think something is wrong with you.
Yeah. That is true. It Took quite some time before i really felt it. The symbiosis between newlyborns and some mothers can be very strong. So you feel weirdly distant from the whole project. But when it hits. Damm.that turn when you finally feel involved and filled with that new sensation of love. Just amazing. It’s such a good feeling.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by TB »

Hayes wrote:
Spoiler Man wrote:Am I the only one, or is there anybody else?
I have SAD or something related. When I turned 12, I basically stopped going to school each year from about mid November though February. I battled substantial depression and slept anywhere from 12-16 hours a day. We experimented with light boxes and drugs and therapy and you name it. I had lots of doctors notes, but we estimate I missed about 600 days of school (total) from 7th grade until graduation. (I still graduated on time, and I could always muster the energy to go to a Star Wars tournament on the weekend- part of the reason my parents were supportive of my card playing was because it was the only thing that provided social interaction and got me out of the house in those winter months.)

My family deliberately took vacations to sunnier / warmer climates and we found my symptoms would be somewhat diminished. So, to escape the North East, I went to college in Tucson, AZ. Life was totally different for me there. I still "felt it" in the winter, but I could at least reasonably function. Even now, living in Nashville, I am not immune. I am very fortunate that my job allows me to work on my own schedule; most days lately I've been rolling in around 11am or noon and I work until 7 or 8 at night. If I have early meeting I can force myself up to do it from home in my PJs. In about 2 months I'll be back to my normal schedule.

I definitely have a cognitive decline in addition to my dip in mood this time of year. I take longer to complete tasks and I am more prone to careless errors. I am very happy the MPC is pushed back this year ^.^ I think about quitting my job and how long I could coast without working (even though I recognize that's completely stupid). Everything seems like a chore and my house is a mess because cleaning is absolutely not a priority. I obsess over games to escape it all (which leads to some guilt, which leads me to go deeper into the game). But I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that in mere weeks I will feel like a real live human being again with what seems like (in comparison) boundless energy. Instead of "struggling" to complete a crossword puzzle I know I'll be able to ace it. Soon.
Dude. This touched me. Thanks for sharing. Love how you seem to have looked that beast in the eyes for so long now that you know it’s paterns and can control the fear of it to some extent.

That takes strength.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by Spoiler Man »

The last few days have been especially bad for my depression. Not sure why to be honest. Just been bad. I tried taking walks in the woods yesterday and today to feel better, and it kind of helped, but then "all the feels" came rushing back in afterward. I don't know what it is or why, but its like a vice around my brain and my heart at the same time. And seems like there's really nobody in person to talk to. I mention it to my wife and I just get a "oh stop it, everything is fine" or "it'll all be ok, we'll work through it" and basically kind of a "man up" comment/statement. Which definitely doesn't help.

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Re: Let's talk Depression.

Post by the thin white duke »

I'm sorry to hear about people's struggles.
Has anyone gotten recommendations to change their diet? I would suggest most people (depressed or otherwise) could benefit from paying more attention to diet. I've been eating low carb for about 5 years, with a big push into Keto last year. The Keto thing paid big dividends, as evidenced by my wife commenting on my change in mood and outlook ("you're not yelling at the kids so much" was an eye-opener for me) before I fell off the wagon around Halloween.
I don't want to go into a tangent about our modern "fixes" like popping pills or has been said, "man up", but the stuff we're putting into our bodies does affect more than just the physical.
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Re: Let's talk Depression.

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Wow, that is a lot of good, honest, heart-felt stories/testimonials. Thank you to each of you for opening up and sharing with all of us your emotional and personal issues. Now, I'd like to take a little bit of time to share with you, my story. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

My name is Darren Pierazek (Peer-zack). Originally, I'm from Riverside, CA. Born and raised down there, I've got an older sister and an older half-brother. The two of them were born just fine n' normal. Me,....I was born with what one dickhead doctor referred to as, 'numerous unexplained complications'. Let me elaborate. I was born with epilepsy although mild, a damaged/under-developed 5th cranial nerve (it controls the nerves & muscles in the hands and jaw), as well as hyper-active salivary glands that faced forward instead of facing the throat. That all sounds terrible in and of itself in its fancy medical wording, but I'm about to tell you what all that really meant. My mom once told me that I was kept in the hospital for two weeks after birth and fed through IV because I didn't have the muscular ability to suck, thereby breast feed. Lets fast forward a few years to elementary school. I hated, loathed, dreaded, going to school as a child. Not because I didn't like school, but because it was 8 hours, 5 days a week that I was forced to put up with kids making jokes, calling me names like 'The Eternal Fountain', or 'Look, its Slimer from Ghostbusters! Hey Slimer!' Why would they say these things? Because I drooled almost constantly, and had little to no control over it. As a normal, everyday thing, I would pack 2 or 3 extra shirts in my backpack because typically, within an hour or less, the chest of my shirty would be soaked with saliva. A wet spot the size of a cantaloupe, to give you a visual. Ya know how if you go swimming too long, your fingertips get all pruney? Yah, well...that's what my chin looked like majority of the time. At home, my sanctuary, when my mom would call me to the kitchen for lunch or whatever, I'd sit at the counter in my favorite chair. Although this chair just so happened to be lined directly in front of the microwave. This wouldn't normally be anything special, 'cept it bothered me to no end. Before I would start eating, I'd ask my mom to open the microwave door so that I wouldn't see my reflection while I ate. I hated how I looked when I ate. I'm sure all of you are aware that when you are hungry, or have food in front of you, your mouth waters. Yah, well that is your brain sending a signal to activate your salivary glands, to produce saliva, which helps break down the food. ....and then there's me. I too have the same thing happen, except my glands are point forward and hyper-active. So the whole time I'm eating, there is pretty much a constant string of saliva dripping/hanging from my chin. On the rare occasion my mom and I were eating out somewhere, I would ask my mom if she would ask the waitress if they had a corner table available, so that my mom could sit with her back to the rest of the people, so that nobody would see me or watch me, eating. I could tell you a crap-ton of related stories, but I'm gonna wind it up here. Around 6th or 7th grade, I had a reversal surgery done to my salivary glands. In theory, it would send all the extra produced saliva down my throat, and the glands would be facing the correct direction. Well, it didn't exactly work out that way. I still salivate a bit, however the surgery did reduce it by like, 97.5%. That is my own figure, not official. I'm 40 now, and I just gotta say,...everybody has their own story, and everybody's story is 'the worst', because it happened to them. Remember to be kind, compassionate, and understanding with people, especially those you don't know. You don't have to like them, but at least take the time to understand them. Thank you.
Darren "Scratchy" Pierazek
Albuquerque, New Mexico

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